5 Key Ways to Maintain Your Identity During Life Transitions: A DC Therapist’s Take on Staying True to Yourself Through Life Changes
Life in your 20s and 30s is basically a never-ending series of transitions. One minute, you’re a fresh college graduate, and the next, you’re knee-deep in career changes, relationship shifts, moving to new cities, or even questioning what the heck you’re doing with your life. It’s an exciting yet chaotic time, and it’s easy to feel like you’re losing yourself in the shuffle.
But here’s the thing—your identity isn’t something you have to sacrifice just because life is throwing curveballs. If anything, transitions are a chance to refine who you are, not erase yourself entirely. So, how do you stay true to yourself when everything around you feels uncertain? Here are five key ways to maintain your identity while navigating life’s inevitable shake-ups.
1. Connect With What Brings You Joy
When life is in flux, it’s easy to let go of the things that make you you. Maybe you used to make art, read, workout, or go on long walks around your neighborhood, but now that you’re drowning in work deadlines or adjusting to a new city, those hobbies have taken a backseat.
Don’t let them disappear. The things that light you up aren’t just hobbies- they’re part of your identity. Even if your schedule is packed, carve out time for the activities that bring you joy. As DC therapists, we encourage our clients to not let the hustle and bustle hijack you from the things you love most. Remember, they’ll act as anchors, reminding you of who you are, even when everything else feels up in the air and overwhelming.
How to do it:
Schedule time for self-care- each week to do something purely for yourself; whether that’s reading, cooking a favorite meal, or playing music.
Find ways to adapt your hobbies to your new environment. If you move to a new city, join a local club or find online communities to stay engaged.
Explore new ways of self discovery. Don’t be afraid to try new things, but also don’t feel pressured to replace old passions with what’s “trendy” or expected.
2. How to build self esteem & Define Your Own Success
One of the fastest ways to lose your sense of self is by measuring your success against someone else’s definition. During your 20s and 30s, it feels like everyone is on a different timeline. Some people are climbing the corporate ladder, others are traveling the world, some are getting married and having kids, and most of us despite the desire to have it all together are still figuring it out. The key to maintaining your identity is deciding what you want, rather than chasing a version of success that doesn’t align with who you are.
How to do it:
Take time to reflect on what you want your life to look like in the present and in the future. What do you want your days to look like? If you were living a “successful” life what would your life be filled with? Would it be financial stability? Creative freedom? Work-life balance?
Recognize when you’re feeling pressure from external expectations (family, social media, or peers) and ask yourself if you actually care about those things.
Give yourself permission to pivot. Just because you thought you’d be on one path doesn’t mean you can’t redefine your goals as you grow.
Online therapy for young adults can help with clarifying personal goals and creating a plan that aligns with your values.
3. It Takes A Village
Your identity isn’t formed in a vacuum—it’s shaped by the people you surround yourself with. During big transitions, relationships naturally shift. Some friendships will strengthen, others will fade, and new connections will emerge. But through all of it, the key is to stay close to the people who genuinely support and understand you.
If you’re constantly around people who drain your energy, pressure you to be someone you’re not, or make you question your worth, it’s time to reassess those relationships. The people in your life should help you feel more like yourself, not less.
How to do it:
Be intentional about keeping in touch with friends who uplift you, even if life gets busy. A simple check-in text or voice memo can go a long way to maintain these connections.
Normalize allowing friendships to fade and end. It’s okay to outgrow people.
Seek out new friendships that align with your evolving interests and values. This could mean joining groups, taking classes, or simply putting yourself in environments where like-minded people are.
Multicultural therapists and LGBTQ counselors offer inclusive spaces to explore identity and belonging.
4. Embrace the Growth, but Stay Rooted In Your Values
Change is inevitable, and honestly, it’s a good thing. The version of you at 22 shouldn’t be the exact same as the version of you at 32. However, while your interests, goals, and even personality traits might shift, your core values—the things that matter most to you—are what keep you grounded.
When life feels unstable, go back to your values. They’ll act as your North Star, guiding you and helping you stay true to yourself even in periods of self-doubt or uncertainty. TSG’s team of multicultural therapists, lgbtq counselors, and inclusive therapy approach is here to help you clarify what these values are, and stay anchored in them as you navigate life transitions.
How to do it:
Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. Is it authenticity? Creativity? Freedom? Connection?
Use your values as a decision-making filter. Before making big choices, ask yourself: “Does this align with what I actually care about?”
Accept that growth doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means becoming a deeper, more refined version of who you’ve always been.
5. Embrace Life In Progress
One of the biggest myths about adulthood is that you have to have everything “figured out". The truth? Nobody does. Even the people who look like they have their lives together are still navigating their own uncertainties.
The pressure to have a clear-cut identity—knowing exactly who you are, what you want, and where you’re going- can be overwhelming. But identity isn’t something you “achieve”; it’s something that continuously transforms. One of the most amazing parts of growing up is meeting parts of yourself you have never met before, and learning more about the person you’re in the process of becoming. The Sterling Group offers inclusive therapy and teletherapy helping with how to build confidence and self-esteem in adults while in this process of identity exploration.
How to do it:
Let go of the need for perfection. Your identity isn’t static, and that’s okay.
Embrace the unknown. Not having all the answers doesn’t mean you’re lost- it means you’re growing.
Be kind to yourself during the process. Change can be uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Final Thoughts
Transitions in your 20s and 30s can feel like an identity crisis waiting to happen, but they don’t have to be. Instead of seeing change as a threat to who you are, think of it as a chance to become even more you. Stay connected to what brings you joy, define success on your own terms, surround yourself with the right people, hold on to your core values, and most importantly, give yourself grace along the way.
You’re not supposed to have everything figured out right now. The goal isn’t to stay the same- it’s to keep evolving while staying true to what makes you, you. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone, therapy for young adults can be a space to navigate both the heaviness of life transitions and the weight of identity exploration in young adulthood. The Sterling Group DC is a multicultural counseling center, with a bunch of therapists in DC who aim to provide personalized guidance for self identity and self discovery to young adults facing life transitions. No matter where you are in your journey, we are here to support you!
About The Author
Jessica Attas is a licensed clinical social worker who is passionate about supporting people in developing strategies to better understand themselves, how their past experiences have influenced their behaviors in the present, and maintain daily practices that support individuals in living in alignment with their values on a daily basis. Jessica is trained in a variety of trauma-informed modalities including EMDR and IFS which help her clients access parts of themselves that may not typically be available through traditional talk therapy. If you are interested in working with Jessica, please reach out to The Sterling Group for a free consultation today!
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