Inner Critic: Friend or Foe? A DC IFS Therapist's Approach to Getting to Know Your Inner Critic
Written By: Jessica Attas, LICSW
Washington, D.C. is a bustling and vibrant place filled with ambition, opportunity, excitement, and, at times- great expectations. Whether you are striving for success at your dream job or trying to create meaningful and fulfilling relationships, you may find yourself feeling pressured to meet the high expectations of yourself and others. Pursuing your dreams in a city full of high achievers can sometimes strengthen the voice in your head that makes you question if you are capable or good enough to reach your goals. The internal voice that fills us with self-doubt is called the inner critic.
The Impact of Your Inner Critic
Sometimes the inner critic can be so loud and powerful that it influences your decision-making and affects how you view yourself and the world around you. Your inner critic may caution you away from new opportunities because of fear of disappointment, embarrassment, guilt, or failure. An active inner critic can leave you feeling anxious, stressed, or maybe even a little depressed. If you are tired of feeling like your inner critic is running the show and you want to be back in the driver’s seat, keep reading to find ways to turn your inner critic into an ally through the Internal Family Systems model.
What Is IFS and Your Inner Critic?
Internal Family Systems were developed around the idea that we all have an internal system with parts that play different and important roles that help us navigate the world around us. The inner critic develops as a result of experiences, relationships, and external influences throughout one’s life. Every part has its own unique perspective, functions, and goals that can sometimes come into conflict with other parts of the internal system. From the Internal Family Systems perspective, the inner critic is working overtime to protect you from harm. When I first learned this, I was blown away! How could a part of myself that has such judgmental and mean things to say also have good intentions?
Rather than viewing the inner critic as an adversary, IFS invites you to get to know and befriend your inner critic so it doesn't overwhelm you. Getting to know your inner critic through the IFS lens provides you with the opportunity to explore, understand, and transform your critical parts fostering a more resilient and self-compassionate mindset. Consider how you feel toward a close friend, rather than a distant enemy!
Let’s Take Some Steps Together to Start to Connect and Befriend Your Inner Critic:
1) Take a deep breath and focus your attention internally.
Notice any feelings or sensations that are coming up for you. Try to remember a time when that critical part of you was really active. What bodily sensations came up for you? Did you feel like your heart was racing? Did your chest feel tight? Now take a moment to learn more about this part. What does it look like? How old does this part feel? How familiar does this part sound? Perhaps this part sounds like a coach you had when you were little, a parent, or a former partner? Take a moment to notice this part without judgment.
2) After you have conceptualized this part, take a moment to notice how you feel towards this part.
Do you want to avoid it? Do you like this part? Do you want to get to know this part a little bit better? If you notice any hesitancy, resistance, or fearfulness, this is a sign that other parts of you are present. Don’t push past them but welcome them and ask if they can take a step back so you can focus on this critical part. Take this at your own pace, the beauty of getting to know your inner critic through IFS is that nothing is forced and it is important that you feel like you are in the driver’s seat.
3) Take some time to befriend this part.
Let this part of you know that you want to get to know it a little bit better. You can ask this part a few questions:
“What do you want me to know about you?”
“What do you worry would happen if everything wasn’t perfect?”
“When you are critical, how are you trying to help me?
“If you didn’t do your job, what do you worry would happen?”
4) As you ask these questions, let the critical part of you know that you heard it and thank it for sharing these answers with you.
Hopefully connecting with this part in this way will help you understand why it has been so critical in the past and how it is trying to help you avoid harm. When we learn that these parts are trying to help us, it is easier to welcome these parts rather than push them away. Developing an understanding of how we feel about these parts helps us become more compassionate toward ourselves.
Learn to Respond to Your Inner Critic From a Place of Empowerment with IFS Therapy
Approaching your inner critic from a place of curiosity and compassion may feel unnatural at first but with practice, you will be able to respond to your inner critic from a place of empowerment. Rather than avoiding your inner critic, you can share with it that you hear and understand its concerns and then ask it to not overwhelm you so you can approach challenges in an authentic and grounded manner. Getting to know your inner critic through curiosity and compassion can transform your inner critic into your inner cheerleader.
Are You Ready to Silence Your Inner Critic? Reach Out For IFS Therapy in Washington, DC, and Online in Virginia.
If you are interested in learning more about Internal Family Systems, please reach out to The Sterling Group to schedule an appointment with Jessica Attas, LICSW, who is Level 1 IFS Trained, or our other IFS-informed therapists.
Schedule a consultation with us using our contact form.
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Begin your journey towards reconnection with yourself!
Other Therapy Services at The Sterling Group
At our Washington DC-based therapy practice, we understand the parts of yourself developed out of protection and help you to reconnect with your true self. With IFS therapy, we can help you to move towards healing and inner balance. That’s why we also offer other therapies to empower you on your journey. Our services include therapy for relationship challenges, therapy for developing identities and self-esteem, depression treatment, therapy for stress & anxiety, as well as executive function support. We also offer couples therapy for those who are looking to grow in their relationships. We would love to chat with you today about the ways we can support your growth at our counseling practice serving the Washington, DC area and Online in Virginia!
